Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Dr. Seuss

Today is Dr. Seuss' Birthday, and my girls were so excited to wear their PJ's to school and bring their favorite story of his to read. We have celebrated his Birthday every year since they were in preschool. It is a really big event here in Warrenton.
This morning I read "The Big Brag" aloud, while they munched on their cereal. This has always been one of my favorites. As I began to read, it reminded me my childhood listening to my father read to me. He could really make the words in a story come to life. I am so thankful for having a father that loved to read to me!
In the back of my mind I could hear his voice reading the "Big Brag", as I gave it my best effort, reading with expression and changing the voices of each character. The girls laughed and smiled which made for a fabulous morning! I must admit I did a fantastic job with the voices!! Especially the worm at the end. For no apparent reason that Worm takes on a Southern Old Man Voice every time I read "The Big Brag."
Seeing the smiles my performance brought on my babies faces reminds me of how wonderful childhood is, and reading to them makes us closer. The memories of me reading in my silly voice will stay with them for a lifetime.
The gratitude I have for my father reading aloud to me always comes out on Dr. Seuss' Birthday!! Thanks Dad and Dr. Seuss!!

Monday, March 1, 2010

Spring

I do see light at the end of the winter tunnel I have been in. Spring is such a fantastic time of year for me. I can shake of my winter blues and start feeling like myself again!! This winter has been exceptionally difficult for me for some reason. I felt like a dog a few times a day needing to shake my head to wake up!!
This April will be the two year anniversary of my Mom's passing. I am thinking my winter blues were at their worst because of the whole "grieving process". From what I have read and experienced, the second year is harder because you are out of the initial "fog", and are feeling your emotions one hundred percent.
This Spring, when the temperatures warm up and the flowers start to bloom, there will be a certain smell in the air, a fresh, clean aroma that awakens my soul. I am so thankful for this time of the year. As I sit here in my office typing this blog I feel a sense of excitement knowing that Spring is around the corner!!

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

I am thrilled to be coming out of hibernation. This winter, Northern Virginia has been pounded with snow. I can hear my parents now, informing me that I should have stayed in Baldwinsville, because they are having such a mild winter. It actually makes me smile because maybe they had something to do with all the snow I have had this year.
My kids wore their PJ's inside out and put ice cubes down the toilet in hopes of "a snow day." This year, it actually worked!! Who knew they would be off from school for almost three weeks!! A gift of snow from my parents who loved winter, or so they said. Possibly their love of winter was not for the snow, but for the hibernation that comes with all that snow!
"Bear" was the nickname my father called my Mother for as long as I can remember, I always thought it was from the story "The Three Bears." This winter it dawned on me that her nickname wasn't from that story at all. It was because she LOVED to hibernate.
I felt very "Bearlike" this winter in Virginia, being stranded up on my hill in the snow. Although I am not a fan of snow or winter, I smiled imagining my Dad's voice calling me "Bear."

Thursday, February 4, 2010

My biggest fans

Winter time is a struggle for me because of the cold, gloomy weather. This winter has especially been challenging. I really DO NOT enjoy snow. I had my fill growing up outside Syracuse NY. I tend to have a seasonal mood disorder when winter sets in. I even go to a tanning bed occasionally to snap out of it. Although I struggle with this on a daily basis, I am still trying to live my life and do things to make my parents proud. I hope they can see all that my family and I have accomplished. I am not quite sure why I always look for their approval, even when they are gone, but I do. Will this go away?
In April, it will be two years since my Mother passed away, and in July nine years since my father passed. One of the most difficult things to deal with after losing both parents is realizing that you no longer have your biggest fans. Sure I messed up a lot as a teen, and even as a young adult, but deep down I knew may parents thought I was amazing! I feel a little lost lately without the encouragement from them. My husband tries his best, but there is nothing like the encouragement you get from your parents, no matter how old you are.
My daughter's are both wise beyond their years. I speak openly with them about my grieving process so that they can understand what I am feeling. I actually think losing three of their grandparents has made them the compassionate, thoughtful girls they are today. We speak of my parents and my father-in-law often, to try to help them remember. The memories for them are fading, but the love has gotten stronger.
Today would have been my parents anniversary. I know they are holding hands walking by the water planning a fabulous dinner together. The love they had for each other made me what I am today. They did the best they could with what they had learned from their parents, just like I am doing for my girls. I just realized today that my biggest fans were my parents, and for most of my life I was their biggest fan too. I had forgotten to tell them that, and hope that they know. I am the luckiest Mom in the world because my girls, being so wise, told me when they saw me writing that they are my biggest fans now. I smiled hugging and whispered how proud I am of them both and that I too, would always be their biggest fan.