Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Feeling Lonely
I never realized until the past few weeks that whenever I was lonely in the past, I would call my Mom.
My husband has had to travel a lot for work recently and I am feeling like I am forgetting something each evening before I go to bed. I realize it may be because he isn't here. I do, however, think that if my parents were still alive I would probably call them a lot when my husband is out of town. I miss them terribly and being alone with my thoughts reminds me of that simple fact.
I really wonder sometimes if it is normal to think about missing my parents as much as I do. I didn't think of them as often when they were alive, so why do I think of them so often now? I just find that to be a little strange. How can I teach myself to not think of them each day? I try so hard to hear their voices in my head. Is that strange? I am really scared I am going to forget what their voices sounded like.
Anyway, that is what I think about when I am feeling lonely.
My husband has had to travel a lot for work recently and I am feeling like I am forgetting something each evening before I go to bed. I realize it may be because he isn't here. I do, however, think that if my parents were still alive I would probably call them a lot when my husband is out of town. I miss them terribly and being alone with my thoughts reminds me of that simple fact.
I really wonder sometimes if it is normal to think about missing my parents as much as I do. I didn't think of them as often when they were alive, so why do I think of them so often now? I just find that to be a little strange. How can I teach myself to not think of them each day? I try so hard to hear their voices in my head. Is that strange? I am really scared I am going to forget what their voices sounded like.
Anyway, that is what I think about when I am feeling lonely.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
The Spookiest Day of the Year!!
I love Halloween! It is so fun to dress up and be silly, scarey, pretty, or whatever you choose on this fun day!! I love the smiles on my girls faces when my husband and I dress up and join in all the fun.
I have wonderful childhood memories of Trick or Treating in a small town where everyone wanted to come to my house because my Dad put on a Halloween Show every year!! I was so proud of him that day!! His costume was always kept a secret until he came out of his room in character. I loved the band Kiss as a tween, and my Dad came out dressed like Gene Simmons one year! He looked exactly like him!! That was a great Halloween!!
When I put on my costume each year, I hope I am creating memories for my children that they will have with them forever.
Happpy Halloween!!
I have wonderful childhood memories of Trick or Treating in a small town where everyone wanted to come to my house because my Dad put on a Halloween Show every year!! I was so proud of him that day!! His costume was always kept a secret until he came out of his room in character. I loved the band Kiss as a tween, and my Dad came out dressed like Gene Simmons one year! He looked exactly like him!! That was a great Halloween!!
When I put on my costume each year, I hope I am creating memories for my children that they will have with them forever.
Happpy Halloween!!
Monday, October 19, 2009
I survived
Okay, so my Birthday came and went. It was a great Birthday. My daughters are so sweet, they made me a graham cracker beach house complete with ocean, sand, beach umbrella chairs, as well as a snack shack. They know me all too well.
The hubby was great too, made breakfast and we all went to dinner!! An all around fantastic day.
Unfortunately for me, my new normal is that at least part of the day is spent wishing my Mom and Dad would call me and sing Happy Birthday. They always did that every year. Deep down inside I am waiting for the phone to ring to hear the voices I haven't heard in so long. It is amazing how often I think of my parents now that they aren't here.
I wonder if they know I think of them? I hope they do. I hope they know I realize now that they did the best they could as parents, even though we didn't always agree. That is all any of us can do is our best. If we leave earth knowing we did our best, hopefully the afterlife is spent with no regrets!! I, however, don't want to have any regrets in this life either. Maybe if I live my life on earth with no regrets, when I go, my children will be happy I lead such an amazing life with them!
The hubby was great too, made breakfast and we all went to dinner!! An all around fantastic day.
Unfortunately for me, my new normal is that at least part of the day is spent wishing my Mom and Dad would call me and sing Happy Birthday. They always did that every year. Deep down inside I am waiting for the phone to ring to hear the voices I haven't heard in so long. It is amazing how often I think of my parents now that they aren't here.
I wonder if they know I think of them? I hope they do. I hope they know I realize now that they did the best they could as parents, even though we didn't always agree. That is all any of us can do is our best. If we leave earth knowing we did our best, hopefully the afterlife is spent with no regrets!! I, however, don't want to have any regrets in this life either. Maybe if I live my life on earth with no regrets, when I go, my children will be happy I lead such an amazing life with them!
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Giving back
There is something about the rain and the chilly weather that makes me remember to donate to people less fortunate than me. I like to go through my warm clothes and donate what myself and my family never wear.
Today while shopping at the Giant I was reminded out in front of the store that our local food bank was collecting non-parishable items. I gave some canned goods and the group was so thankful! I was saddened when I saw 4 or 5 people walk right by not even looking up and smiling when these people spoke directly to them. This really upset me! They could just smile even if they couldn't give anything. Remember to not be too busy this season to look up and see who is speaking to you. This is going to be a tough holiday season for a lot of your neighbors! We need to pull together and help each other out! Remember that your Dragonfly may be around watching you!
Today while shopping at the Giant I was reminded out in front of the store that our local food bank was collecting non-parishable items. I gave some canned goods and the group was so thankful! I was saddened when I saw 4 or 5 people walk right by not even looking up and smiling when these people spoke directly to them. This really upset me! They could just smile even if they couldn't give anything. Remember to not be too busy this season to look up and see who is speaking to you. This is going to be a tough holiday season for a lot of your neighbors! We need to pull together and help each other out! Remember that your Dragonfly may be around watching you!
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Birthday Blues
I have been on cloud nine since my New Orleans trip. I had such a great time with my sister, in an awesome City. I love the fact that she was there with me for such an important event. We also celebrated my Birthday together for the first time in at least 20 years. I really enjoyed August, the restaurant we went to. I feel very blessed having her in my life.
Although, my week was fantastic in New Orleans, I hit an emotional wall today that I wasn't expecting. I really wanted to tell my Mom and Dad about my interview. I also miss having them be a part of my Birthday. My Dad and I almost shared the same Birthday, so we always celebrated together, and when I was not living at home, I always spoke to both my Mother and Father a lot during my Birthday week. I guess this week is hard because I feel that something is missing, I didn't realize this until today when I had the urge to talk to them both.
My mother always made Birthday's so fun. Every year I asked for a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting. The funny thing is that now as an adult, I prefer spice cake with vanilla frosting, and I remember my Dad loving that kind of cake. Is it possible that we change in order to keep memories alive in our life? Do I like spice cake now because of my memory of my father?
Anyway, This will be an interesting week. I will be looking for a Dragonfly for sure!
Although, my week was fantastic in New Orleans, I hit an emotional wall today that I wasn't expecting. I really wanted to tell my Mom and Dad about my interview. I also miss having them be a part of my Birthday. My Dad and I almost shared the same Birthday, so we always celebrated together, and when I was not living at home, I always spoke to both my Mother and Father a lot during my Birthday week. I guess this week is hard because I feel that something is missing, I didn't realize this until today when I had the urge to talk to them both.
My mother always made Birthday's so fun. Every year I asked for a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting. The funny thing is that now as an adult, I prefer spice cake with vanilla frosting, and I remember my Dad loving that kind of cake. Is it possible that we change in order to keep memories alive in our life? Do I like spice cake now because of my memory of my father?
Anyway, This will be an interesting week. I will be looking for a Dragonfly for sure!
Thursday, October 8, 2009
My interview on Good Morning New Orleans!
What an amazing trip I had! My interview went very well! Click here to see it. I will blog more tomorrow about my trip, now I need some rest!!
http://www.abc26.com/news/goodmorningneworleans/
http://www.abc26.com/news/goodmorningneworleans/
Monday, October 5, 2009
Good Morning New Orleans
Of course I can't sleep, even if my flight leaves in the 6:50 am. I have a combination of nerves and excitement! I am really happy that my sister Cindy is going to be in New Orleans with me to share this great experience with me. Unfortunately, Beth, my other sister, couldn't make the trip. It would have been great having both of them there with me as I speak about my book and our parents. I again have been needing the phone number to heaven because I desperately want to tell my parents about my TV interview. I already know that they read my book in heaven, otherwise I wouldn't see Dragonflies around me all the time. Who knows, maybe I will see a Dragonfly at the TV Station.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Making people smile
I love mornings like today when I get to start my day making hundreds of people smile and giggle! My children's school mascot is Chirp the Eagle and we have a fantastic mascot costume to wear for spirit days or events at the school. My all time favorite volunteer position is dressing up like Chirp. It is wonderful being able to dance around and act silly and nobody knows that it is me!!
My girls and I arrive early at the school and sneak into the room wear the costume is. They both help me put it on with huge smiles on their faces all the while telling me I am the coolest Mom ever! When the costume is on we start walking around the school together. It is still pretty early, so we go to say hello to their teachers and get ready for the buses to arrive. That is when I take my spot in front of the school as the buses start to pull up. I dance and wave at the smiling children in the windows of the buses. As they enter the school they all give me hugs and high fives. The smiles are priceless!!
Today is family fun day and in a few hours I get to do this awesome job all over again! I need to work on my moves, so wish me luck. Remember making people smile is one of the best things to do on any given day. It is very contagious!!
My girls and I arrive early at the school and sneak into the room wear the costume is. They both help me put it on with huge smiles on their faces all the while telling me I am the coolest Mom ever! When the costume is on we start walking around the school together. It is still pretty early, so we go to say hello to their teachers and get ready for the buses to arrive. That is when I take my spot in front of the school as the buses start to pull up. I dance and wave at the smiling children in the windows of the buses. As they enter the school they all give me hugs and high fives. The smiles are priceless!!
Today is family fun day and in a few hours I get to do this awesome job all over again! I need to work on my moves, so wish me luck. Remember making people smile is one of the best things to do on any given day. It is very contagious!!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Special Time
As I take out my fall/Halloween decorations this week, I am reminded of decoration day at my house as a child. Halloween was a big deal in my house, it was my father's favorite holiday! My Mom made it her job to make the house look awesome!! I remember her putting all the decorations on the dining room table and when we got home from school we were allowed to help put them all over the house! This was a special treat! I never realized until today how special that time was with my Mom. We didn't go anywhere, or spend any money, we just made our house so cool together. Her needing mine and my sister's help with this task made me feel so special! She always had little stories to tell about each decoration, so after many years, we knew the history of all the decorations we had!! My all time favorite was the ceramic pumpkin that sat in the middle of our kitchen table, always stocked with candy corn. My father had a weakness for candy corn. Every time he walked by the table you would hear the pumpkin open and him take a handful. A sound that is embedded in my memory bank.
So today, as I take out my fall/Halloween decorations, I am putting them on my dining room table for my girls and I to do together when they get home from school. I am going to tell them a story about each decoration, and play some spooky music. I definatley need to go to the store before then to get some candy corn for my pumpkin!!
So today, as I take out my fall/Halloween decorations, I am putting them on my dining room table for my girls and I to do together when they get home from school. I am going to tell them a story about each decoration, and play some spooky music. I definatley need to go to the store before then to get some candy corn for my pumpkin!!
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
The phone number to heaven
Okay, so it is mornings like today where I need to talk to one or both of my parents and wish that heaven had an 800 number. I have two girls who are basically night and day. They are only a year apart, and I actually have to use multiple personalities in the morning to get them out the door for school.
My oldest follows directions, is most of the time organized, and is very peaceful and sweet in the morning. This is the best environment for me as well. Things as smooth as butta! She gets a show almost every morning from myself and her little sister.
My youngest is one of the sweetest most thoughtful people I know. Her teachers think she is an angel and wish there were a classroom of kids like her. I need to video tape her in the morning. The outfit is never right, the hair never right, can't find my shoes, don't like that cereal, etc... Unfortunately, I nine times out of ten, I engage with her in the morning and boy is it ugly! I tell myself not to, but she presses every button I own.
I don't remember ever behaving this way. If I did, I would have been so sorry. I parent differently than my parents did, but I'd just like to talk to them to hear how they would handle my youngest. I need advice from two people that loved me unconditionally, because I know I was a challenge at times.
In closing, if any one knows the number to heaven, please let me know. Thanks.
My oldest follows directions, is most of the time organized, and is very peaceful and sweet in the morning. This is the best environment for me as well. Things as smooth as butta! She gets a show almost every morning from myself and her little sister.
My youngest is one of the sweetest most thoughtful people I know. Her teachers think she is an angel and wish there were a classroom of kids like her. I need to video tape her in the morning. The outfit is never right, the hair never right, can't find my shoes, don't like that cereal, etc... Unfortunately, I nine times out of ten, I engage with her in the morning and boy is it ugly! I tell myself not to, but she presses every button I own.
I don't remember ever behaving this way. If I did, I would have been so sorry. I parent differently than my parents did, but I'd just like to talk to them to hear how they would handle my youngest. I need advice from two people that loved me unconditionally, because I know I was a challenge at times.
In closing, if any one knows the number to heaven, please let me know. Thanks.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
The Day I saw a Dragonfly
http://www.amazon.com/Day-I-Saw-Dragonfly/dp/1439206694/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1254265230&sr=1-1
Click here to buy this wonderful story to help with the loss of a loved one or beloved pet!!
Click here to buy this wonderful story to help with the loss of a loved one or beloved pet!!
Making dreams come true for others
I have wonderful memories of my father from my childhood, and now that he has passed I remember things in more detail than I had before. My father was a writer who had written several books that I remember him trying to get published. One being an 800 page novel about Vietnam. He tried and tried to get this book published and was never successful. I remember his disappointment like it was yesterday. I always overheard conversations between my mother and father about his frustration, but he always remained optimistic that someday it would happen for him.
My father was an amazing story teller. He could make up the best bedtime stories. In fact every year for my Birthday I would have a slumber party with my little friends just so he could tell us a ghost story. I remember his voice being perfect for those stories. It was deep and he could make it boom when the story needed it.
As an adult and parent of my own kids I looked forward to my girls being able to sit with their grandfather and listen wide eyed to his wonderful stories, but unfortunately he was diagnosed with cancer in 1999. He even started writing a book about living with cancer and his fight, trying to still fulfill his dream of becoming a published author.
His battle ended in 2002. My children have no memories of his storytelling which deeply saddens me. I was very disappointed for him that none of his books were ever published.
In July 2002, my girls were ages two and three. I was very sad that summer and was on autopilot as a mother. Some mornings I would wake up and tell myself that this would be the day I was not going to cry. That is when it happened.
My daughters and I went for a walk one afternoon in the forest by our house. While we were walking we saw a dragonfly, a bug neither girl had ever seen before. They asked me what the dragonfly was and a story came to me like I had heard it many times before. My explanation is what my book "The Day I Saw a Dragonfly" is about. I am convinced to this day that my father was with us that afternoon.
I immediately rushed home and started writing the story down before I forgot it. I got to thinking, could I be the one who was going to fulfill my father's dream for him?
My father was an amazing story teller. He could make up the best bedtime stories. In fact every year for my Birthday I would have a slumber party with my little friends just so he could tell us a ghost story. I remember his voice being perfect for those stories. It was deep and he could make it boom when the story needed it.
As an adult and parent of my own kids I looked forward to my girls being able to sit with their grandfather and listen wide eyed to his wonderful stories, but unfortunately he was diagnosed with cancer in 1999. He even started writing a book about living with cancer and his fight, trying to still fulfill his dream of becoming a published author.
His battle ended in 2002. My children have no memories of his storytelling which deeply saddens me. I was very disappointed for him that none of his books were ever published.
In July 2002, my girls were ages two and three. I was very sad that summer and was on autopilot as a mother. Some mornings I would wake up and tell myself that this would be the day I was not going to cry. That is when it happened.
My daughters and I went for a walk one afternoon in the forest by our house. While we were walking we saw a dragonfly, a bug neither girl had ever seen before. They asked me what the dragonfly was and a story came to me like I had heard it many times before. My explanation is what my book "The Day I Saw a Dragonfly" is about. I am convinced to this day that my father was with us that afternoon.
I immediately rushed home and started writing the story down before I forgot it. I got to thinking, could I be the one who was going to fulfill my father's dream for him?
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